A LOT OF THESE ARE FRIENDS ONLY
              SO COMMENT IF YOU'VE BEEN LURKING AND FEELING LIKE YOU'RE MISSING OUT.

so this is christmas.



i'm taking the initiative.
this is going to be a great christmas.
i will make sure of that.

http://www.formspring.me/electricponies
oh yo
i don't know how this site caught on but whatever.
tell me something or ask me something! all anonymous and whatnot.

so i guess i made one
http://electricponies.tumblr.com/
friend/follow me?

 my friends are wonderful beautiful amazing people who have kept me sane alive and healthy this past year. i'd stand on a coffee cart for ya'll.
&
This makes me more happy than may be healthy.
1. Go to "http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=328"
2. Click on "Full Episode"
3. Fast forward to 33 minutes in. The episode will take a minute-ish to completely load so as to let you let fast forward.
4. Listen & swoon.

i'm going to stop using this & i don't have to explain myself.

life is funny. and weird. and crazy. and a lot of days, not what i expected.

i guess i'm going to try to get things done today
aka
get out of bed.

sewing things up and doing laundry and remembering to eat and shower and reading and finishing movies and changing up the things on my wall.

and woohoo for super honest/embarassing lj entries.


wish it wasn't raining so i could go here.

its impossible to understand the last 2 days. the more i try the more my heart aches. i really think no one is okay today.
i found out yesterday at 1130am and it felt messed up to know before so many other people who were close to her knew. it didn't feel real and i didn't want to have to tell people but i couldn't not call the people who had to know and wouldn't want to know from a newspaper. i keep thinking that maybe it's this big mistake and she ran off somewhere and that when they officially release the name it turns out we were all wrong.  i wish i hadn't shrugged her off when she asked me to hang out a couple months ago because the time we did hang out it was so intense. it was amazing and it's where i met my friend niko but it was this out of head experience and we sat by the ocean in her car with two boys i'd never met and had the most honest conversation for hours. she kept telling me i should take the classes i wanted when i talked about school and to do what i wanted, get that tattoo etc. she was really sweet :( and really pretty. goddamn i'll never figure out how she could do eyeliner the way she did. mine smudges when i try. i wish i knew her better because all anyone can say is how beautiful a person she was and i guess that it's normal to wish that. i almost don't though seeing as this already feels like too much. i still have her note in my room. i still feel like i'll see her around town.  i walked by the house where it happened so it'd feel real. it doesn't feel real. i've never known anyone my age who died.

http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/story.php?id=254850&ac=PHnws&pg=1


         yes.

i think i'm going to do it.
    
i just need to pick a place.

i want to go somewhere but i don't know where.

now that i think about it maybe i'll go with people?

but who?

a weird day of clarity and sun.

i'm searching online and it looks so easy to just go wherever for little to nothing.

but where?!!
with who, if i was to go with someone/s?

http://jezebel.com/5155030/heres-to-you-mrs-robinson-chuck-bass-stars-in-bazaars-gossip-graduate
yes

                            THIS WEEK:
 
( ... )

no pictures monday or today or tomorrow or thursday. i had 3 pictures left and i didn't want to just snap some pictures to finish the roll. I feel so sick right now. I walked in town after class and the air was so cold that i couldn't breathe deeply. i'd start coughing and it'd feel like my heart was about to implode. i most likely scared passer-bys with my chest clutching and hunched over stature. my ears feel full and my head aches. my whole body aches. I'm staying home from school tomorrow (Mother:"It's too dangerous for you to be going to school tomorrow").
tomorrow:
bed bed bed chocolate soymilk bed writing bed bed dvds blankets phone calls bed.

 Half hour till next class because the first one ended early.

             i want a kitten. and i think that i don't care that i have allergies. i'm so pumped with allergy drugs anyway, so i wouldn't notice?

 blah  asldfasdf
 i suppose i'll going upstairs to read my books (mere anarchy by woody allen) and drink the mixed coffee i bought because one kind ran out and i had to use some of another.
i'll probably end up drawing though.



ps. there are no friend crushes in any of my classes thus far. classes are going to be sooo boring.

drinking cold coffee on my couch listening to fleet foxes and making a list of all the movies i'm going to watch while on winter break. and my mother is taking a nap on the other end of the couch. perfect perfect.
 give me some suggestions dears. so far i have a lot of really old foreign films

tomorrow is my math final and then i dont go back to school till january 20th.
after my final  zach and i are going to explore this abandoned house and then watch almodovar's bad education. hopefully the weather won't be so bad that we'll have to resched again.

   i love coffee high.
 and then i meet mister low. BLEH

i'm going to zach's tomorrow after work to make vegan pizza and maybeeee photoshoot? its been awhile since i've been around my photocentric friends and to be honest i've been feeling camerawhoreish.

blah blah unnecessary update.

   i bought cute baby stuff for patrice's fetus today!
and i went body product crazy. i needed new toothpaste and lotion and lip balm and was asking the whole foods guy " whats castor oil???? what is this stuff?"

no parabens or sodium laurel sulfate or "fragrance" or animal testing. i'm a happy girl.



oh and i'm seeing broken social scene tomorrow night
nbd.


zach's on his way over now. going to watch a fistful of dollars.

i had a scanner.

and i don't feel like walking home and back and the dvd i have on me "isn't compatible" with my laptop ladfkjsad.

so i'm watching sex and the city over the internet in the "laptop lounge". oy.
"i'm a drunk..at voooguee"